Build a marriage that works: rekindle the flame of romance through affection, warmth and encouragement
The fact that God did not make women and men the same, this is probably not new to you. We all know some of these differences, but others are hidden behind the obvious. Shaunti Feldhahn, a nationally known journalist, author and speaker, recently wrote a fantastic book. Only for women: All you need to know about the inner life of men. (For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men). In this book, she reports the surprising truths learned from the 1000 men she interviewed. I recently had the opportunity to interview Shaunti for our radio show, Home Word (Word House) with Jim Burns. During our conversation, we talked about 10 things women want to know about men. I think you will find this fascinating 10 points! Even more, I think by knowing these things, you will be equipped to lead your marriage to a new haven!
1. Men prefer to feel unloved and not respected rather useless. Husbands need to know that their wives respect them in private and in public. The men are doing well when they know that their wives trust them, they admire and believe in them. Research by Shaunti Feldhahn, indicated that men would rather lose the love of their wives as their respect.
2. The anger of a man is often due to lack of respect for his wife. When a man is angry with his wife, he will say probably not “you lack respect for me.” But chances are he was injured by something his wife did and he considers disrespectful and humiliating.
3. Men lack confidence. They are afraid not to be up in life – not just at work but also at home in their roles as spouses. They probably never admit it, but inwardly they are secretly vulnerable. The antidote? Be recognized. For men, being recognized by their wives and the most important. If they are not, they seek recognition elsewhere. Regularly when they have a real recognition from their wives (and not flattery), they are more assured and confident in every area of their lives.
4. Men bear the responsibility of the person who provides for the family. Intellectually, the salary of a man of little importance, as does a woman’s salary is more or less important in his career. The men wear just the responsibility of the person who provides for the family. They have not chosen, they were born with. This notion is always present in their minds and can cause the feeling of being trapped. Women can not do away with this responsibility, however, may make it less burdensome by therapeutic doses of appreciation, encouragement and support to their spouses.
5. Men want more sex. The natural reaction of all in this declaration is “No kidding.” But this reaction is probably unfounded. Generally, we think that men want more sex with their wives because of their biological constitution (their needs). But surprisingly, the study shows that Ms. Feldman’s why men want more sex, is that they have a great need to be desired by their wives. They just need to be desired. Regular relations and development are essential for a man to feel loved and wanted.
6. Sex means more than sex. When a man is wanted by his wife, that feeling has an effect on the rest of his life. This gives a greater sense of confidence and well-being that extends to all areas of his life. On the other hand, any shortage may have a negative effect. When a man feels rejected sexually, he feels not only physically rejected by his wife, but it calls into question the title of husband as breadwinner and man. That’s why sex for a married couple is paramount!
7. Men struggle with visual temptation. This means that a large majority of men respond to images when it comes to women. This is not just men with eyes running around. Even the believing husbands, can not help but notice a woman whose dress draws attention to her curves. Although this is a furtive glance, the images are stored in the male mind and he will come back to mind without warning. Men can choose to dwell on these images and memories, or ignore them, but they can not control when they arrive.
8. Men love romance, but do not think being good at that. It is true that men can not seem to be romantic, but that does not mean they want to be like that. Men want to be romantics, but they do not believe to be. They are assailed by doubts, the risk of being humiliated and may fail. Women can greatly improve the confidence of their husbands in this area by encouraging and defining what constitutes romance. For example, a woman may be reluctant to follow her husband into a hardware store, but if he seeks his company because he sees this as an opportunity to escape and do something with it. Can not find it romantic?
9. Men interested in the physical appearance of their women. This does not mean that all men want their women look like models. What men want is that their wives make an effort to take care of themselves (and do not let themselves go) because it’s important to them (the men!). The couple appreciate the efforts of their wives to stay attractive.
10. Men want their women to know how much they love them. Was the answer given by No. 1 men. They do not have the confidence to say, but they truly love their wives. Men want to show they love their wives as they want and understand.
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